Dissolving Girl

The real person begins when the lights go out, the room is emptied and the real voice comes out. No commitment, no expectation, just me, a book, a notepad for my thoughts and a void to fill for those that are fated to come across it. The purpose to find purpose as it is. To speak out what I can’t seem to articulate when the are others around. To say it how I see it when I feel that certain thing that could for all I care be a fleeting feeling, That I most likely will forget in the light of day but what makes me choke, with suffocating emptiness of life in that present moment, In the blankness of a dark thought that needs to be spent.

I will spend it here. Not for you. Not for any other purpose but my selfish need to speak into an abyss. To know that a voice is echoed. A pretence of a purpose to a life that feels to bleak.

The diaries of a dissolving girl. As it comes. This conversation that I wouldn’t want to bore any soul with or exhaust understanding. In a past life I was still sleeping and beautifully gleaming with energy and excitement of what is to be and become and the searching wonderment of where I will be in years to come. As much as I would want, I couldn’t sit that girl down to tell her exactly where life would take her. And if I did the story would go like this.

Infidelity of Thoughts

I hear from a friend, newly married
how sweet the life luxuriously built on love. Yet, I hear in me the clattering chains of forever bound and lost freedom.
How could I promise anything to another human being. The infidelity of thoughts. Worse than any act of betrayal, I consider how to not one person I can be true. In not one relationship, friendly or otherwise, I’d not regret offering my self as sacrifice to the service of love, in an act of commitment.